You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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