this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
