You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
