she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
