can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
