U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
