There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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