It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize