I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
