I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize