Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
