Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
