so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize