Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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