My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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