just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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