It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
