I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
