You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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