is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
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Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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