i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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