Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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