She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
