Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
