just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
