Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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