youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Let's get the cat blown out
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
