Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
