Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
