Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
