I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
