am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
