Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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