my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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