and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
