so that wasnt chicken after all
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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