about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
