because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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