and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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