O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
