drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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