Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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