I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's never too late to be topless.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
