Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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