Do you still have your period?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
