omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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