You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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