She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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