Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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