When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
