So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
