the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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