; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
