Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs speak an international language.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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