She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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