we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
